Sunday, August 26, 2012
San Jose Woman Melts Down Over Melky
Neighbors complained about the noise coming from the woman's residence, which led to a visit by San Jose' Finest. SJPD Officer Richard Gozinya commented about the incident.
"She was distraught over the suspension and very animated. She did say that she was going to try and drown her sorrows by drinking her weight in cheap Barefoot Chardonnay, which is on sale right now at Safeway, by the way."
When we reached our crazed fan on the phone the next morning, she sounded still upset and very hungover.
"Damn that Melky! I believed in him and he was riding dirty. So, I have banned all milk and dairy products from my house, along with wire hangers! If my boys want to drink milk, they can do it at school, because I am now 100% Cabrera intolerant!"
(Note: As a journalist, it would be wrong to give up the woman's name. Here first name starts with an S and ends with an N and there is a HA in the middle. Her last name rhymes with Ticks, but it starts with a W)